Get Her To Stop Nagging
the wrong way One night, a man arrives home late from work, only to find his wife waiting for him at the entrance. Before he even has a chance to take his coat off, he greeted with:
Giovanna: You really crude. Why are you coming home so late? You avoiding me again; you must be getting sick of talking to me.
Giovanna: Why are you acting like a brute? All I wanted to know is why you can call to warn me ahead of time that you be missing dinner? You such a hardheaded man.
Angelo: (Walks away) Oh leave me alone. I tired and I want to get some rest, http://www.2013spring.co.uk - prom dress .
Giovanna: You are acting like such a child. Sure, that right! Just walk out of the room! You know what your problem is? You can take constructive criticism!what went wrong?What the wife should have said was, "You can take destructive criticism," because that exactly what it was, http://010.zkcc.com/plus/view.php?aid=10977 - http://010.zkcc.com/plus/view.php?aid=10977 . Instead of communicating what she really felt (specific) in an objective way, http://www.2013spring.co.uk - uk prom dresses , she expressed hostility in an obscure (abstract) manner that led to her husband defensive behavior.
Once the husband goes into defensive mode, the channel of communication breaks down, preventing the couple from resolving the situation. So what happens? Giovanna keeps repeating the same old message and Angelo keeps thinking his wife is a big nag, http://www.bbfar.com.cn/bbs/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=164177&extra= - http://www.bbfar.com.cn/bbs/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=164177&extra= . The first thing that both Giovanna and Angelo must do is realize that there is a communication problem.
Once they reach this realization, they have to get all the unresolved issues out of the way using the technique that I will describe below, http://www.formboss.net/blog/2009/06/b2evo-to-workpress-export-script/ - http://www.formboss.net/blog/2009/06/b2evo-to-workpress-export-script/ . The only way to achieve this is by using the language of responsibility. This means that instead of using "You" all the time, Giovanna should have used "I."
Let look at a few "You" examples from the first conversation that caused Angelo to shut down communication with Giovanna and led him to walk away:
It easy to see why the "You" language provokes defensiveness, http://www.idresslondon.co.uk - prom dresses 2013 mermaid style . As soon as Giovanna utilizes it, she instantly puts Angelo on the defensive -- exactly what she needs to avoid if she wants him to listen.
A "You" statement implies that Giovanna is qualified to judge Angelo -- a position that Angelo is unwilling to accept. Fortunately, there a better way for Giovanna to express her message. The "I" language will describe Giovanna reaction to Angelo behavior, without passing judgment.
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